Back in September of 2014, I had asked a good friend and seer to do a reading for me for the coming year. Much to my dismay, she said, “You’re not done healing yet. You’ll be crying in your sleep because you can’t deal with these emotions rising to the surface. You need to let them come.” A bit dramatic, I thought, still, sound advice not to stifle. I put the reading out of my mind for the next couple of months.
But she was right. Starting in February (thanks, Bride, yes I see your godly fingerprints all over this one!) my eyes would begin watering uncontrollably 2–3 times a day. I wasn’t crying in my sleep, but I was crying without being able to connect to the underlying emotion. Blocked, severed, whatever you want to call it, a gap lay between what I felt and what I could be conscious of. After eliminating physical causes just to be sure, I turned by attention to the psychological.
I’ve spent the past two months reconnecting with Water. It’s the element that I have the most trouble grasping intellectually, which should be no surprise since it’s not a mental realm in the slightest. I don’t like that I can’t pin Water down, that it’s inconstant and in a perpetual state of flux. And yet, there are so many aspects of Water that are vital to my wellbeing—creativity, intuition, divination, healing. It’s always the emotional component that lies furthest out of reach.
A few weeks ago, I remembered something Damh the Bard said between verses of “Wild Mountain Thyme” as he sang around the ECG campfire:
For those who can afford it, there’s therapy.
For the rest of us, there’s MUSIC!
I started playing songs (mostly Damh’s actually, with a bit of Mary Chapin Carpenter tossed in) that brought tears to my eyes, either because of the chord structure or the lyrics. I established a safe space, where I didn’t have to be strong for my son, or play nice to keep the peace, or be the dependable daughter. The melodies enfolded me, and I wept. I performed this ritual twice a day at first, and now once a day is enough. Slowly, I’ve stopped needing the music to trigger my emotions, and I’ve been able to let them rise naturally when I have the time and space to do so. My heart is rehydrating itself with tears.
Starting at the new moon, I’ve been doing a daily iteration of the OBOD’s Ritual of the Element Water. On the full moon itself, I plan to conclude with the Water Weaving Ritual. Already my words are flowing again, as are images I want to paint, jewelry I want to craft, and sculptures I want to sink my hands into. Music played such an important part in my life, it’s somehow fitting that it’s what is reconnecting myself with my Self.
Instructions for further care: wash, rinse, repeat as necessary.